Channeling “The Jerk”: moving into an empty house

Right now I’m channeling Steve Martin as “The Jerk“:

“… I don’t need any of this. I don’t need this stuff, and I don’t need *you*. I don’t need anything. Except this. (picks up ashtray)

And that’s the only thing I need is *this*. I don’t need this or this. Just this ashtray… And this paddle game. The ashtray and the paddle game and that’s all I need… And this remote control. The ashtray, the paddle game, and the remote control, and that’s all I need. And these matches. The ashtray, and these matches, and the remote control, and the paddle ball… And this lamp.

“The ashtray, this paddle game, and the remote control, and the lamp, and that’s all *I* need. And that’s *all* I need too. I don’t need one other thing, not one… I need this. The paddle game and the chair, and the remote control, and the matches for sure. Well what are you looking at? What do you think I’m some kind of a jerk of something!…”

Thank God there is an Ikea 15 minutes away from our new place.

7 responses to “Channeling “The Jerk”: moving into an empty house

  1. We’ve been in Brazil for six weeks and just got our air shipment the other day. It felt like Christmas! I guess I was a little like Steve Martin because as I was unpacking, I couldn’t believe some of the things that I had included. Some of the things immediately went into a box to be stored when they should really just be trashed. Our sea shipment arrives in three weeks. I can’t wait to see what useless things are in there!

    Good luck with the move!

    • Yikes! Six weeks before you received the air shipment at a total of nine weeks before you will receive the sea shipment! Hats off to you for making an “extended vacation” work with two little ones for so long.

      As for useless things, what scares me the most is the stuff we put in storage seven years ago. If I think really hard, I remember that it includes a TV and a Tivo that will be worthless when we get back. God knows what else we decided to put in storage when we thought we’d only be gone two years (and before we had kids)…

      • Have you ever seen the show A&E Show Storage Wars? They follow professional buyers who purchase the goods left in storage units that have been abandoned by the renters. They get to look in the unit for a couple of minutes and then the owner of the facility holds an auction. Sometimes they hit the jackpot with a “hidden treasure” and other times they end up with a bunch of junk. Apparently America is filled with people who store things that they will never use again 🙂 (I’m kind of embarrassed to admit that I have wasted hours of my life watching this show!)

      • Saw that show once… and now live in fear that my photo albums will be auctioned off (especially since my husband’s company is in charge of paying the storage fees…). Take the Tivo and the ladder, but not the photos and the piano!

  2. Oh my goodness, I’ve not seen The Jerk for so long and now you’re actually quoting from the movie! Too funny. Good luck on getting settled in.

    • Four days later, we’re in the empty house and now have a kind of working internet connection… Bad news: the people next door just starting tearing out their tile floors (non-stop daytime jack-hammer/chisel sound). I need a bottle of wine and The Jerk right now.

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